I don't want the world. I just want your half.

You get a treat if you can tell me where the subject of this post comes from.  No cheating.

And by treat, I mean nothing.  Because I don't know you.  You don't know me.  I'm almost entirely convinced you don't even exist. 

It's from "Ana Ng" by They Might Be Giants.  It's too early to be pretentious or a dick to people who aren't real.  "Oh, I'm so fancy because I know a song from an indie band that came out when I was 6 and you don't."  Dick-y.  Not my style.

I have nothing to talk about.  I'm bored and the Internets are not as entertaining as they normally are.  My 5 year old being right there might have something to do with that.  Time for more coffee.  That aughta make something fun happen.

Someone drank all my vodka

It was me.  I drank it all.  Not all of it, but half way.  What?

I don't wish I was prettier.  That's too much to ask and really, I'm busy enough.  But I do like attention.  I like attention that I get from people that are attracted to me.  I'm not necessarily attracted to them, but I do get off a little knowing I hold a little bit of power over someone else.  That's sick, isn't it?  Probably.

I like power.  Not just "all the money and all the pussy" kinda power.  I like to be in charge.  I like to be the leader.  I like the idea of things falling apart without me.  I like being the one that can keep it all together.  I should probably quit this blog thing and start seeing a doctor while I can.  Doubt that'll happen.

In other news, I measured my bust and found out that I'm two sizes bigger then what I thought.  Maybe that's the problem with the power I hold.  My boobs grew and now it's all gone to my head.

I need to refill my glass while there's drink to refill it with.

My breasts are out of control and taking over!

Hahaa... That'll be the day.  Take that every boy in jr high and high school that were too cool for me and my breasts!  One day soon we'll own your ass!

I need help.  Or more vodka.  I like the second and it seems more reasonable, since I have a bottle right here.

Don't judge.  At least I have pants on.

Bust out the French maid out fit, we're gonna do some dusting.

That was a really round about way of getting to my point. My bad.

So, years ago I used to write and keep up a blog.  I liked doing it.  I had Internets friends that read often.  I was funny and I could post inappropriate pictures of myself anonymously because no one could see my face.  Attention whore much?  Oh sure.

I want to do it again.  I wrote on a blog for myspace (does anyone still use that?) and I can't really do it on facebook because my family and co-workers read it.  Some things can be kept secret from my Grandma and my trainer, ya know?  Mom doesn't need to know I have been fucked by my husband since 2005 and my boss doesn't need to know I drank a bottle of wine last night.  And the 7 nights before that.

I need an outlet and so here it is. 

One of the things I love most about blogs?  I get to completely and utterly selfish.  Who the hell else am I supposed to talk about, at length, daily?  I'm my favorite subject, so why not?  Right, right.  I will bitch about and celebrate my children, my culinary adventures and my secret drinking problem.  Probably work.I like posting pictures, too.  That will be happening a lot too.  And music.  And movies I've seen (and haven't seen) (Fuck you, Titanic!) and random shiny things I think of. 

So yeah.  I like the word "so" a lot.  And commas.  Ok. 



*Sorry if family has found this.  This isn't meant for you.  I don't share things on facebook, the gloves are off here.  If you don't want to know, don't read this.  If you feel the need to talk to me about this to help, don't please.  I'm a big girl, I've made the choices that have led me here.  I'm not a problem to fix.  I'm bitching on the Internet because I don't want to waste the paper.  I will use bad words here because I can't say them out loud most of the time.  I am and will be offensive.  I don't care if you don't like the way I think.  Shaking fingers at me won't change the way I think, it'll just piss me off.  You've been warned.*